The Beauty of “Ish”

Perfection is a harsh task master. It is a never ending gravel road of sharp wits, unforgiving, withering self criticism and a ink filled hole full of isolation from oneself. It is a the combination of self doubt fueled by exorbitantly crushing expectations placed squarely on our shoulders by the operator themselves.

Perfection is where dreams go to die. It is where we take all that we are and decide, day in and day out, that we are not enough. It feels as heavy in the body as a 7 day donut binge. It’s a drug; a fuel for consuming our desires; a lover who will never return our affection. And then at some point, since we can never attain perfection……..we ask ourselves, Why go on? Why pursue our dreams when it just ends up in disappointment?

The beauty of this Life is not in the attainment of perfection. The Japanese call it Wabi Sabi – that things are more beautiful because of their imperfections. The beauty of this Life is doing what we love to do, since the time is going to pass no matter how we spend it and let the liberation of our best efforts combined with our connection to the creative be enough. I’ll be there around 7ish; it’s finished for the most part; it’s a work in progress; I’m a work in progress; we are ALL a work in progress – and tomorrow, I’m gonna be alright. “Ish” is not an excuse – it is a softening of the cold hard edges of self sabotage. A willingness to give ourselves a pass to the next day, the next creation, the next adventure.

The beauty of knowing we are doing, being and having our best selves within all that we know while honoring our authenticity AND honoring the best within our loved ones – for me, that is of greater service to the higher good of all then following a infinite dark hallway toward the whipping post of fractured intentions and excuses.

Create…………and let that be enough ❤️

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Releasing from the Struggle…..

Struggle………we all have experienced it.  Whether it comes in the form of a decision, a way of life or the resistance to change, all of us have taken our turn on the dance floor.  Now, I can tell you without reservation, that this is not the fluid, graceful dance of a ballerina.  It is a genre that comes in the form of halting movements, shallow breathing and a whole lot of sharp angles.

While I was wondering around the fabric of my thoughts a few days ago, I realized that so much of the struggle we experience is of our own making.  One of my personal “dance partners” has been money.  The flow of it, the lack of it, the larger questions of what exactly to “do” with it.  I was raised with parents who were not conscious of the decisions that they made with money.  I was also locked in a struggle of child support and control with a former husband.  I carried all of these struggles with me, like a cherished book or piece of jewelry.  Letting go of them would leave a huge “hole” in my life.  I mean, lacking anything else going on, I could always concentrate on my struggles…….

It hadn’t dawned on me, until now, that I am able to release from those old struggles.  They are not mine to carry – probably never were.  And, in releasing these struggles, just as I have learned to release and let the clay take the lead, I am also able to forgive and release all of the others that were connected to them. How many other old struggles are stuck in the dance of the dark?

As with any tunnel and the light at it’s end, we have the choice to release ourselves and others from the old, worn out stories of struggle and make room for fresh new opportunities to find more ease in our life.  Our struggles and pain may be inevitable, but they don’t have to be permanent.   

Letting Go……..

As I enter back into my everyday life, I know there will be many nuances and shifts that occur.  There are events in our lives that can take time to glisten all that has been experienced.  

When I left for Ghost Ranch, I had a few things in my life that needed to be laid open.  I needed distance in which to calm down, breath and listen.  I needed to achieve a level of clear headedness that was required to truly look at my life, where I have been, where I wanted it to go and where it was actually going.

I have realized this truth………that it’s ok to let go. To gently and kindly let go of situations that no longer fit or have run their course.  To know that sometimes “your appointment is just over.” To let go of the parts of my life that have taken me away from my center.  To understand that there will always be people that will be disappointed with my decisions and those that are indifferent and still others, those rare, beautiful individuals that applaud and support me at every turn.  And it’s ok.  

At the end of the day, each one of has a responsibility to ourselves to answer those questions.  The questions of individual purpose, our own higher calling, the song of our soul.  Where will it lead us?  Where will we allow it to go?  The only person that can answer those questions for me is me.  

Here’s what I find to be true………..when you shift from your center, deep down at the essence of your being, you know it.  It may feel different for each of us.  For me, it’s an ache that keeps calling to me, sometimes just out of reach.  But every time I find my way back, I can look behind me and see the voice of my higher self was always there, whispering and sometimes wailing for me to listen……….just listen.

I do not regret any twist or turn in my life for it is those winding roads that brought me home.  For all of this and more, I am Thankful.

Catch and Release…….

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I have chosen to hold on to and what I have released back into the universe. The major theme of my life right now is knowing what to let go of and what to keep……possessions, relationships, places, dreams, realities. There are times when it is so damn easy to ease my grasp, allowing my finger tips to unfurl and open to the winds of change, and then there are times when I would rather feel the pain of the comfortable rather than let go into the vastness of the unknown.

Sometimes, I wish for certainty, in my own life, with my relationships with others, with the universe…….and then I realize that always being certain can eliminate the joy of discovery, not just with life but with the creative process as well. We don’t get to have it both ways. Letting go does not mean laying back and being blown around like a late autumn leaf. No sir – it means you let go of the conclusion – moving toward your desires and future with activities that align with your intentions and wishes. In the Alchemist, written by Paulo Coelho, he writes, “when you really want something, the universe conspires to make it happen.”

So, in the spirit of the new year, when I am to be letting go of the old and the universe of things that no longer serve me and my evolution as a person and an artist, I will honor the newness of life and the conclusion of my past. I am moving toward something greater than I have been and that is something to look forward to even if I don’t know what it is.

Setting my intentions, my desires, and releasing them into the universe one breath, one step at a time.

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Letting Go…….

IMG_2875There is something that I just recently realized about myself and I have to say, I’m a little embarrassed.  If you have known me for any length of time, you already know that I LOVE to touch clay.  Actually, if you have only known me for about 5 minutes, you would clearly get it.  For the past 5 years, since I was first introduced to hand building, I have been obsessed with the process and eventually I became hyper vigilant about getting my work out into the world for others to see.  To see another person connect with my work is a sacred event in my world.

Having said that, I have held something back……..something that has created an obstacle to my own prosperity.  Sometimes, well most of the time, I fall in love with my work – usually the newest piece is the object of my affection.  This is not to say, that I, above anyone else’s eyes, see every flaw in my work.  I sometimes over analyze the mistakes in my work, picking at them like a scab until I create a wound that takes too long to heal.  However, what I have uncovered is the fact that I attach myself to my work too much.  With all the love, thought, care and attention I give to each piece, I have forgotten the process of letting go.  I now realize that if I want to share my work with others, I must first learn how to let go of it so that each piece has a chance to find it’s new home.  My fear, of course, is that with each piece that moves on, I have a little less creativity to share.  Well here’s the kicker……..just the opposite is true!! With the release of each creation, I am able to “declutter” my physical, emotional and spiritual space which in turns gives me more space to create.

Just as we all need to declutter our home to create more opportunity and growth so it is with our art.  I’m letting go……..one piece at a time.