Art for Beauty’s Sake

Since the search began for my authentic voice as an artist, my intuition has played an enormous role as I have unfolded the layers of myself through each coil I place on a pot.

Every carving, every stroke of the burnishing stone, every single firing has brought me closer to who I am. It is development of trust that manifests through the seemingly mundane. The inspiration that shows up while I’m working. In saying that, I have no concept or understanding nor any conscious goal that my work is “supposed” to be something important, relevant or carry any weight whatsoever in the reality of this troubled sometimes soulless world that we live in.

I think it is absolutely imperative for a creator of any kind to get up close and personal with the reasons they create. Is it money? Fame? Social protocol or statements? Political Activism? Believe me when I say that I have no judgment on why other artists create. I simply know, for myself, the clarity of my actions are intimate with the source.

I create for the sake of beauty. Nothing complicated, nothing with a deep seated, complex platform. I just have an undying need to be a small part of making my life and maybe this world just a little more beautiful than yesterday.

Am I a simpleton? Probably. Will I be looked over and rejected, judged and belittled by those that are well heeled or more finely educated? That’s already happened. But here’s the deal……at the end of my days, when I am taking the last sweet breaths from this life, I want to look back and say, no matter what else transpired, I created by my own standards, my own ideals, my own thoughts and visions – not someone else’s.

The power plays, the marginalizing by others about my art, well, that’s never, ever, going to stop. But if I allow their barbs, slights and unkind comments to influence my direction or cause me to STOP creating……well that’s a “me” thing.

All of this can be transferred into the other aspects of life as well. There will ALWAYS be someone better. There will be those that believe the bad “hype”, the jealousy, the threatened and the power control models. But “who” matters most when it comes to your life or my life is looking straight back in the mirror. All the mood lighting in the world can’t soften the truth of self respect.

Know who you are and let that not just be enough. Let is be all you need to know to guide you toward your own beauty ❤️

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Stardust and Light

A couple of nights ago, I was fortunate enough to see the New Mexico night sky as I had never witnessed it before. A night when the sky, with barely a Moon in sight, was full of stardust. It was as if a giant bowl was turned toward earth and all of the planets and stars were spilling luminescence over everything they touched.

I went to a place on the ranch where I could safely lay down, look up and become shrouded in the metamorphic deep, dark, brilliant space of the never ending night sky. Have you ever seen something so beautiful, so ethereal and touched by the divine, that it physically caused pain within your body? Such a gift from a governing heart.

As I walked dreamily to bed, filled with all things of inky lushness, I decided I wanted to wake early to see the transition from night to dawn. I will tell you right now, it was worth the brevity of my sleep and dreams.

From moment to moment I was chasing the fading of the night and the birth of the morning, hoping for just one more moment of magnificence to carry my spirit into another day. One more chance to inhale the ending and look toward the beginning.

Wondering around since this event, I have been trying to figure out the lesson, looking for the message in all of this. There must be something I could retrieve from such beauty, such transition, so routine for the natural world and yet so transformative for me. And then, without warning, it became clear: everything must end and yet, with the sadness of this, there is this undeniable eagerness for another beginning. Another chance to love, to create, to be present in my life for the transitions that are coming to us all.

No matter where I go from here, I go there taking these memories of stardust and light with me. Without the light of the moon, the stars can shine. With the Sun comes another chance for us to shine.

Ode to Joy

For each person in our lives, there seems to be an emotional “meter”. A certain amount of emotion that we can expend for one another. When we feel tapped out or drained, usually it’s due to over giving, while not holding enough in the container to feed and support ourselves.

I have this vision that each emotion is a tiny little seedling. With the exchange of support between two people, the sprout grows; tended and cultivated it can result into a blessing of a harvest, the basket always full, always multiplying . A solo dance with the life giving force headed in only one direction creates depletion and the meter runs low. At some point, that blessed tank hits empty. Good luck attempting to manufacture anymore. The seedling dries up, curling into itself and gently blowing away like the last puffs of smoke from a busted muffler. Unless balance is restored, the relationship is doomed to end up in the trash bin of misery and discontent. The capacity for love, understanding, acknowledgment, compassion and kindness are seeds of fortune just as stark in contrast to the seeds of discontent, judgment, violence, hatred and greed.

An Native American elder explained to his grandson that we all have a dark wolf and a light wolf living within us. When the grandson asked which will one will win the battle, the Grandfather replied, “the one you feed.” So it is with our emotional and spiritual lives. We will always be challenged by others as well as our dark side; to be less than we are, to fall into judgment, to take more than we give. To be conscious of our ways marks the delineation point between our reactionary dark side and the light of awareness. Whether are thoughts and actions are from being fully awake or sleepwalking, we are making a choice with every touch, every turn, every word, every deed.

Allowing others to find freedom, even if it means we lose them; allowing yourself to find joy in your everyday life is no small feat. Yes, it’s scary…….but the lighter your touch, the more gentle your grip on the steering wheel, the more freedom we give ourselves to just breathe, the more room there will be for Joy ❤️

Temporary Times

The land takes over what our hands have laid aside.

As without…….so within.

Visiting a special area of Ghost Ranch with the photography class yesterday, I was struck by the eroding beauty of the man made structures left behind. Nature needed no assistance taking back what humans were finished tending. I took this wandering into myself and realized that without “self tending” we are all set up for an erosion of our spirit; a washing away of our essence barely perceptible until we find ourselves in the darkness of chaos.

I had a teacher once say, “If you have 10 phone lines ringing and you answer one, you only have 9 left to go.” It’s not the size of the chaos that takes us down as much as the inertia of apathy and overwhelm. If we are to be individuals with the gift of self reliance we also have the greater obligation of answering those phone lines. Some calls aren’t meant for us; some of them will have our name written all over them. That is where discernment must step in and guide us to the truth. Take a moment…….listen to the message…….decide if you are the true recipient.

It is a magnificent state of being to be of service but we all might do well to remember that self reliance requires that we also give to ourselves.

I give myself over to clay time and time again and receive multiple blessings in return. What are you giving yourself over to? Is it worthy of your precious, precious time? Or, is it an excuse to avoid your own self reliance?

As within…….so without ❤️

The Beauty of “Ish”

Perfection is a harsh task master. It is a never ending gravel road of sharp wits, unforgiving, withering self criticism and a ink filled hole full of isolation from oneself. It is a the combination of self doubt fueled by exorbitantly crushing expectations placed squarely on our shoulders by the operator themselves.

Perfection is where dreams go to die. It is where we take all that we are and decide, day in and day out, that we are not enough. It feels as heavy in the body as a 7 day donut binge. It’s a drug; a fuel for consuming our desires; a lover who will never return our affection. And then at some point, since we can never attain perfection……..we ask ourselves, Why go on? Why pursue our dreams when it just ends up in disappointment?

The beauty of this Life is not in the attainment of perfection. The Japanese call it Wabi Sabi – that things are more beautiful because of their imperfections. The beauty of this Life is doing what we love to do, since the time is going to pass no matter how we spend it and let the liberation of our best efforts combined with our connection to the creative be enough. I’ll be there around 7ish; it’s finished for the most part; it’s a work in progress; I’m a work in progress; we are ALL a work in progress – and tomorrow, I’m gonna be alright. “Ish” is not an excuse – it is a softening of the cold hard edges of self sabotage. A willingness to give ourselves a pass to the next day, the next creation, the next adventure.

The beauty of knowing we are doing, being and having our best selves within all that we know while honoring our authenticity AND honoring the best within our loved ones – for me, that is of greater service to the higher good of all then following a infinite dark hallway toward the whipping post of fractured intentions and excuses.

Create…………and let that be enough ❤️

YOU Again?????

One year has gone by………..one magical, creative, evolutionary “art” year since I returned from Ghost Ranch; a 22,000 acre retreat center nestled between Santa Fe and Taos, New Mexico. A place where paths opened for me that I never imagined possible. A place where I allowed my vulnerability and fear of reaching toward my future to fall away and allowed myself, YES, allowed myself to be gently led into the open air of possibility and tickling sensation that something was waiting on the other side of all of that self regulation and restriction.

One of the questions that I am asking myself when presented with different, divergent, paths is this: “If I can fast forward to the end of my life and look back, will I regret NOT taking the chance? Usually, when I can quiet down my “monkey mind”, I can see the answer clearly. More often than not, the answer is Yes. Take the chance. Breathe into the possibility. Expand past the self imposed boundaries and just create. Get your hands and your heart muddy and then go wash off.

I had a very valued artist say to me recently; “Don’t be concerned with going out on a limb creatively. Whatever you do and wherever you go, you will always bring back the knowledge that you learned while you were dangling.” That, my friends, is the power of inspiration. That is what Life can contain if we allow it. The ability to scoot out further on the limb – create, fail, succeed, expand.

I am headed to Ghost Ranch once again. This time, as a teacher and a student. There are other mediums that I want to incorporate into my work and this opportunity will give me the chance to say Hello to them.

It is my hope that you will once again allow me to express into words and visual photos how much this abundant, sacred space affects me. See you at the ranch ❤️

Back Burner Consequences

Before touching clay less than 10 years ago, I spent the preceding 18 years as a licensed massage therapist, learning the art of therapeutic touch. In that time, I have heard many, many stories from clients that could either break your heart, make your heart stop or at the very least, have it skip a beat. The physical labor can be exhausting at times; however, it can pale in comparison to the amount of emotional and healing energy it takes to “hold the space” for another person to tell their truth.

I am almost always honored and humbled that people would want to share their vulnerabilities with me. It has never been my training or within the scope of my practice to “fix” them. My job, other than working on their tired and strained muscles is simply to acknowledge what they are saying. In other words, to just be quiet and listen.

Looking back over my 25+ years as a massage therapist, I can clearly see patterns in many of my female clients as they navigate their way through all of the changes that take place in their lives. While reading the book, Women Who Run with the Wolves, I realized what a large majority of these women had in common.

For many of us, living has a tendency to get in the way of having a LIFE. Let me repeat that…….LIVING has a tendency to get in the way of having a LIFE. What that means is that all of the day to day things that we “should” do, necessities of others, obligations (whether real or imagined) for our loved ones, can demand precedence over free flowing creativity and intuition that almost all women are born with. It’s the stifling of these virgin ideas and replacing it with the grocery store list; the basketball, football, ballet, music lessons and practices that come before the magic, ethereal forms of life. No doubt, there is a time and place for everything. All of those things that we fill our days with can be given our undivided attention and that’s ok!! However, as in many facets of life, we can take it too damn far. The competition to win, succeed, make progress on the bills, can really take their toll on a individual. What we lose in the process of all of the temporary, short term gains in this “living” business is the magical moments of creative endeavors where time stands still and the birth of an idea can have room to come to light.

What can happen, if this is taken too far, is that deep inside, we can build tiny seeds of bitterness and resentment. We can brush them off as just bad moods or a selfish heart. I mean, we have been told so many times that it is better to give than to receive. But, with enough self admonishment, we move on. On to the next duty, the next chore, the next loving kindness and everything is fine…….until we turn our back on our creative pursuits once again………and then it builds a little bigger. The fire of resentment with the a cold side dish of bitterness.

After years of putting others before ourselves, we can have a tendency to unconsciously move toward an outcome we never saw. An outcome of an inner world of disappointment, disillusionment and exhaustion.

We have the ability to recognize, at any given moment, that we have a choice. We have a choice to take five minutes to breathe, an hour to take a walk by ourselves or to simply just allow ourselves to “be”. I don’t know one woman who wants to be in a state of bitterness. I do know a lot women, who slowly, without resistance or a persistence to find their own “voice’, fall into that pattern. Each one of us not only has an obligation to the other people that we have chosen to have in our lives, but to our own life as well. Whether it is conscious or unconscious, every time we make a choice to do for another, we sacrifice time to do for ourselves. I am in no way suggesting anyone should become a “microcosm” unto themselves. What I am suggesting, is that we take time to put ourselves into the equation. To create more of a balance of giving to others as well as giving to ourselves.

In watching my clients, friends as well as myself traverse this path, I can clearly see who has taken the time to nurture their creative spirit and who has either been squashed by their own beliefs or by the beliefs of others and devolved into a state of locked down living without the hope of a life. The signals are undeniable – more bitterness and resentment, the more out of balance a life becomes. It is so damn easy to fall into the pattern of an un-created life – the only effort is the “not doing” for ourselves.

The beauty of breaking this cycle is simple……….until our last breath, we have an opportunity to write a different outcome. Every moment of every day is a chance to start again – to choose to give ourselves the gift of tenderness and kindness. To allow our intuition and creativity to peek out of the recesses and help us create the life we so dearly deserve. In that simple yet profound way, we all have the opportunity to become whole once again.