A friend posted a quote about the overwhelming desperation of attaining a goal awhile back. This thought has continued to surface time and time again. There were comments made that desperation is never good – that desperation can lead to alienation, despair and eventual failure.
I know that all words have a certain weight, a certain mood or “feel” to them. Desperation has never really been a word that I have attached a a positive emotion to; however, I understand where the author of the quote was coming from. For years, 18 to be exact, I had an intense desire to move to the heart of the mountains – I felt certain that that was where I belonged, where I could grow as an artist and a person. After I started working with clay, the intensity of this desire only grew. This yearning, as I called it, just wouldn’t let me be. I tried everything I knew to make it go away. New houses, new offices, new interests, but still it remained. I questioned my intuition many times over the years. What kept me from leaving were all of the wonderful people I had in my life. To move and follow my own path would feel like I was betraying them – leaving them was just not an option. But Life has a way of happening.
Since finally moving late last year I have thought a lot about the events and the intense longing that went with them. I realized that there is a time for everything. There were things I needed to accomplish, skills I needed to attain, art I needed to create before the next chapter of my life could start. And that’s o.k. But to make myself wrong for having such a deep unabiding yearning, well that was just a special form of self inflicted torture that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. To recognize and embrace that yearning – no matter how difficult it was, kept the light in my life. It kept me moving toward the life I knew I needed and deserved to live.
There are destinations and events in our lives that just aren’t willing to be pushed aside. When an intense yearning comes and continues to visit – it might be wise to visit with it for awhile, asking ourselves whether it Is a calling of the heart, the head, the soul? Taking the time to arrive, being present with where we are……..being fine with it all, well that’s the journey of life.
That yearning of so many years……turns out…….that intense passion that wouldn’t leave me alone did not lead me astray……….it lead me home.