How do you know where you are going if you don’t know where you’ve been? I have played that question over and over in my head as I navigate through this beautiful, messy life of mine. I have spent many years seeking truth. When I was younger, I would look to others for all of the answers. I believed what they said, did what they wanted me to do and hoped that it was enough for them to like me. I rarely took time to question anyone’s motives or agendas, let alone mine. Looking back, it felt like I was careening from one “approval” crisis to another. I desperately wanted to be loved, give love and to feel love. What I end up with was a suitcase full of bitterness, resentment and “what if’s”. If you take a minute to see how that makes a person and a body feel you might realize that THIS is where disease comes from. A massive heap of emotional carnage wreaking havoc on it’s host is not a pretty sight; and by that, I mean my own.
I can be this honest with myself because I now see the thread that reached as far back as the beginning. I am not blaming others for my condition, even though most of the time, this method of self deception proved to beneficial for the other people in my life.
You may be asking yourself the question – “but how does this relate to the life of a potter?” Well let me me tell you……I can clearly see my evolution as a potter. You can tell by the photo that I have attached to this post that my first pot was wobbly and heavy…….but there was potential. Each piece has brought me further along the road of finding my own voice as an artist. It’s a lot easier to view evolution, through trial and error of one’s creative pursuits, than to sit down and get truthful about one’s life of foibles, misadventures and occasional wins. But here’s the thing…….if you have the strength of character and the compassion with yourself to find the thread of your essence back to your beginning, you won’t be able to avoid the beauty of your life. Yes, it’s messy……at times. But there are also times where the clarity of acknowledging one’s past means that you get to see all of the crazy art of it as well. Even though I have made great strides with the art that chose me, I also see the thread of my own voice through all of it, and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I have a vast supply of evolution in front of me. Life is just like that, too. We get to choose, every damn day, what we put our attention on. If you look back and don’t care for what you find, today is a perfect day to start again.
It’s only too late if you say it is………..